These significant occasions will bring you closer and add layers of depth to your relationship. A lot of expectant parents have read the book What to Expect When You’re Expecting. It has become a kind of Bible for parents about to bring a newborn into the world. It’s useful because it delineates the process of pregnancy, childbirth, and beyond. Being prepared takes the guesswork out of it, and provides much-needed insight for becoming a parent. Becoming a couple and building a strong partnership goes through its own process. Wouldn’t it be nice to know what to expect in this life stage, too? Let’s take a look at some of the milestones couples can expect to experience in their journey together.
1. From “Just Dating” to Exclusivity
Dating is a numbers game. Sometimes, it takes a while to find what you’re looking for. It’s not unlike going shopping and trying on multiple outfits before finding the one that fits just right. In the store of life, it can be challenging to find the perfect fit, but once you do, it’s very fulfilling. After you’ve been going out for a while, you might discover that the person you’re seeing is pretty much everything you’ve ever wanted in a partner. You share the same goals, you’re compatible, and you love being with each other. It’s at this point that you might decide to become exclusive and work on building your relationship. This relationship milestone is a great start, and worthy of recognition. Having a tough time finding the right person? Check out 6 Proven Ways to Succeed with Online Dating.
2. Saying “I Love You!”
Who says it first? This is a semi-scary relationship milestone because in order to tell your love interest that you love them, you’re gambling with your heart. What if you utter those three little words and your love interest just stands there and replies, “That’s nice”? Ouch. When you start to realize that your feelings have turned to love, you might experience some vulnerability. Declaring your love comes with a great deal of risk. But great things usually do. This milestone, if both parties feel the same, sets the tone for many milestones to come. It’s definitely worth celebrating your newfound closeness.
3. Making Love
This can be a momentous relationship milestone. It can come before or after saying “I love you” for the first time. Either way, by the time you arrive at this point, something amazing is happening in the relationship. You’re starting to feel a special bond. You’ve both let down your guard, and there’s a feeling of connectedness between you. If you’ve decided to wait until you’ve gotten to know each other better before reaching this relationship milestone, it makes the lovemaking all the more exhilarating. Having sex with a new partner can be unnerving, exciting, and definitely unforgettable. After all, it’s the first time. Maybe not the first time, but the first time with a new person, right? So, yes, this is definitely worthy of remembering. “Dear Diary…” NOTE: If you’ve been single for a while, have been through a difficult breakup, or have experienced the loss of a loved one, this milestone is critical because it means opening yourself up again. There may be a lot of hesitation and uncertainty, but eventually, when you’re both ready, things will fall into place, and it won’t feel so awkward anymore.
4. Meeting Friends and Family
This is a really critical relationship milestone. Receiving the Stamp of Approval from friends and family basically seals the deal. Even though you may have fallen hard for your person, it always feels better if your family and friends think they are just as great as you think they are. It makes things easier for your relationship in the long run. There are going to be many events during your life together, some of them with friends and family. You want to make sure everyone gets along, if possible. Getting along with your partner’s good friends and close family members is critical to the success of the relationship. Maybe Aunt Marsh isn’t very nice, but remember, all these people were there long before you were, so smile and be polite. The reunion won’t last forever.
5. Having Your First Fight
It’s going to happen. No matter how in love you are, disturbances are going to take place. As you become more at ease with each other, guards will drop, and the baggage that you’ve both been carrying will, at some point or another, spill out. This is obviously not cause for celebration, but you know what is? Talking it out, getting to the root of the problem, fixing it, and then moving forward. All couples have disagreements. It’s how you manage them that is important. Each time you are able to get through an argument and become stronger for it, you’ve improved your relationship overall. If you make it through your first fight, go ahead, have a nice dinner somewhere and talk about how much closer you feel.
6. Taking Your First Trip Together
Taking your first vacation together is certainly significant. Spending all that time away from home and all its comforts will give you a glimpse into the state of the relationship. How well do you travel together? How flexible are you? Are you both able to compromise? In order to travel together, you must work in tandem to come up with a trip you can both enjoy. Your true personalities will no doubt surface at some point during the planning and the actual trip as unexpected things pop up. How you both handle things is a great indicator of each of your personalities. So, if you have an amazing time on your trip and get along splendidly, you made it through another relationship milestone!
7. Getting Engaged
You’ve dated for an appropriate amount of time — enough to know that your love interest has kept your attention, and that you want more. Lots more. It’s a solid relationship, and you believe this is The One. After much thought, you decide that becoming engaged is the next logical step. This milestone is important because it will be the stepping stone for many more significant chapters in your life. Getting engaged says you’re ready to take your relationship to the next level. You don’t just want to date or shack up, you want to plan a future together. If you have gotten this far, it is definitely worth celebrating. Getting here may not have been easy, but you made it to the point where your heart and mind are saying, “This is the person I want to share my life with.”
8. Getting Married
Getting engaged is big, but getting married clinches the deal. Tying the knot says that you both want to fully commit to each other and that you’re both willing to have each other’s backs. Taking this final step is not “just a formality,” as I often hear from people; it is saying that you’re both all in, for better or for worse. When you get married, you’re not just saying, “Yeah, I’m going to be with you forever!” You’re actually proving it by taking the necessary step, and sharing it with your friends and family. However, getting married doesn’t always have to be a big affair in front of many loved ones. Some couples like it short, sweet, and private. That’s fine. You’re still stating that you’re all in, and shutting the door on everyone else.
9. Buying a Home
Consider this relationship milestone a boulder not a pebble! When you, as a couple, decide to buy a home together, you’re in the thick of it. You may or may not be married, but you are assuming that you will be in the relationship for the long haul. Buying a home is a huge commitment — one that requires both parties to work in unison to consider mortgage payments, taxes, decorating ideas, and more. You will have to be completely in sync to make your home a cozy nest. Closing escrow, which essentially means that the sale is final, definitely merits celebrating. Creating a home together requires sacrifice, effort, and lots of love. When you can pull this off, it’s time to have a housewarming party!
10. Sharing a Terrible Secret
You know that you are both deeply committed when you tell each other your worst secrets. I’m not talking about saying, “I killed a man a couple of years back in a brawl. They still don’t know it was me.” (Yikes!) I’m talking about things — embarrassing or painful things — that you have never shared with anyone else. If you can open up to each other and divulge your BIG secret(s), that’s a sign of deep intimacy and trust. By the time you share your secret(s), you’ve built up a lot of trust in each other. That’s one way to keep your relationship expanding on many different levels, and it is definitely worth celebrating.
11. Having Your First Baby
This relationship milestone is one of the biggest life changers of all. No one is fully ready for this one. You may have the nursery all set up, and might have read What to Expect When You’re Expecting thoroughly (see above), but no one is ready. Having a baby will test you, the relationship, and everything else you can imagine. But it is also an opportunity to bond with your partner even more, believe it or not. You will have to come together often to make important decisions about your baby. In the process, your love for each other will grow as you share the most priceless thing in your lives. When your baby comes into being, it will require the stamina of an Olympic athlete, and the patience of Job. It’s a big task, but it can be done. During this time, make sure that you set aside time for each other. You might be tempted to put romance on the back burner, but it is important to keep that love flame alive. Two happy parents produce happier children. Don’t skip date nights! Raising a baby can be exhausting, but it can also one of the most amazing events in your lives. And imagine all the photo ops for Facebook and Instagram! Still nervous? Read our 50 Top Parenting Tricks and Hacks That Will Make Life Easier And More Fun.
12. Dropping off Your Little Tyke on the First Day of School
What parent doesn’t shed a tear as they drop their beloved child off on their first day of Kindergarten? Their baby is no longer a baby. Kindergarten starts it all. It’s the beginning of the educational journey. But for you, as a couple, it’s a chance to have more time to yourselves. You can both celebrate this momentous event — maybe have brunch after dropping off your little one. Celebrate how far you’ve come; recount some of the cute things you’ve experienced, and talk about some of the things you’re looking forward to. Think of it this way: with all the extra time you have, you can plan more romantic rendezvous for you and your honey, not to mention share prideful moments as your little person learns to count to 100. Take lots of pictures, and enjoy this big and sentimental relationship milestone.
13. Puberty! Yikes!
At some point, without even realizing it, your child becomes a tween, and then a teenager. You seriously start to wonder who they are. “Where’s my little princess?” you might ask. “What happened to the boy who used to cuddle with me at night?” Yes, you will have a stranger in your house. This phase lasts quite a while. It’s probably one of the most difficult relationship milestones. There’s major attitude, smart-mouthing, disregard for orders, hateful words, and more. As a couple, you might find yourselves disagreeing on how certain things should be handled. But this is the time to come together; to be strong, and to build a united front. Lean on each other for support, and build each other up when discouragement sets in. This is another bonding experience that can solidify your relationship. During this phase, I highly recommend the book by Michael J. Bradley, Yes, Your Teen is Crazy!: Loving Your Kid Without Losing Your Mind. When my son turned into a “stranger,” I read this book carefully. The highlighter was my friend. This book is excellently written and extremely helpful. It will give you hope and normalize what you’re experiencing. You will feel better about yourself and your unruly teen. For you as a couple, it can guide you along so that you’re more adept at handling the difficult situations that might come your way. This too shall pass. Hang in there! I don’t know if this is necessarily a relationship milestone to celebrate, but it is a milestone. What you’ll be celebrating is the day they turn human again. Times will be rough, but it will feel so good when it ends. In an episode of Grey’s Anatomy, Ellen Pompeo says, “Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when it stops!” And it will stop! [5]
14. Getting a Promotion
Somewhere in between raising your teen, teaching them how to drive, and surviving it all with a tasty dinner after their high school graduation, you and/or your partner may be offered a promotion. You may have worked hard in your chosen careers and are now being recognized by being offered a wonderful opportunity. This might mean more money, a title change, or both, and possibly the ability to afford things you weren’t able to before. It will also mean more responsibility. Remember to be responsible with the time you do have. Use your new benefits to come closer together, to plan trips, and to have more romantic times together. This is a wonderful relationship milestone. It is saying, “You’ve done an excellent job, and we recognize it.” This is a time to congratulate each other and celebrate your achievements. If both of you are working hard, but only one of you gets promoted, don’t allow jealousy to set in. Be happy for your partner. What’s good for one of you will be good for both of you. After all, you are a team. Celebrate your promotion(s), but keep the date nights and the communication going. Read 7 Habits of Successful Working Parents to strike the best work-family balance you can.
15. Feeling the Empty Nest
One day, after all is said and done, your little one will have turned into an adult right before your very eyes. They will be packing up for college, getting married, or simply moving out. This will be a bittersweet relationship milestone. As much as you want your child to be independent, you are going to miss their presence. Here is something to think about: If your relationship was neglected during the child-rearing years, there may be some consequences resulting from that neglect. Once your child is gone, so is the distraction. It will be just you and your partner, “alone again, naturally,” as the Gilbert O’Sullivan song says. [6] The good news is, this is a great time to rediscover each other. This milestone can be an opportunity to expand as a couple, to take time to date, travel, and enjoy friends. The sadness will dim, don’t worry. Everything will fall into place, and new routines will be created. NOTE: In some cases, son or daughter may return home because they discover how hard it is out in the REAL WORLD. So, celebrate and enjoy your time without them while you can.
The Bottom Line
The above relationship milestones aren’t the only ones. You may have celebrated milestones that aren’t even on this list, but that were very special to you nonetheless. Whatever markers your relationship experiences, they are markers to be acknowledged. After all, you’re building a life together. All the shared experiences that lead up to that 60+ year anniversary are worth celebrating, are they not?
Even More Relationship Advice
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Featured photo credit: Farsai Chaikulngamdee via unsplash.com
